Ode To The Four Hour Date

originally published june 21 2021

In this industry, everyone has a favorite date length. Some prefer the one hour; I didn’t love it for a while, and then found a renewed appreciation for its brevity. Sometimes, you just want what you want and then you want to get on with your day, I get it. Some prefer the super long appointments, that last days on end – I can’t say whether I like or dislike it, as I haven’t done one yet (though I’m eager to try). Through my experiences, I have found a happy place for myself: the four hour.

The four hour is perfect for first dates, as it allows time for a meal. If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ll be familiar with how important food is to me, and to the act of seduction. Sharing a meal with someone is intimate and can reveal a lot about a person. Are you a sharer, or do you like to have your own dish? How does one talk to the waiter? Do you eat slowly, or quickly? All these details about a person add to the portrait of their personality, each habit a brushstroke that makes them more and more real. The flirtatious banter, the gentle nudge of a foot under the table, all of these things add depth and texture to the encounter. Even if the meal we share happens in a hotel room, such as a vegetarian charcuterie board, there is much to observe and absorb about the experience. 

While the one hour can be fun, the four hour includes more time for the art of conversation. Intimacy and chemistry always work better when you have time to build a connection. Getting to listen to you talk about the things you’re passionate about, share silly stories about our travels, and dive deep into hot cultural topics together reveals something beyond the physical. We get to see the human quirks of one another. The more we talk, the more I am curious about your lips, your arms, what it will feel like when we move from table to bed, what it will spark when our skin meets for the first time. This anticipation is lost in shorter appointments.

Longer appointments are also fun for the opportunity to do more than just eat and talk – exploring museums, hiking, and going to shows all add even more depth to the experience. But when you’ve never met someone, committing to six hours together can feel intimidating (though I’ve absolutely done this with first meets and had a blast; typically, the more someone has researched me and my interests, the more comfortable we are together off the bat). Four hours feels like a perfect middle ground for new lovers; it feels the most organic. When I think about dates in my personal life, it is rare for them to last less than two hours, even if the intention is purely to hook up. They often span four to eight hours, because I am insatiably curious about what makes people tick, and what turns them on. For me, the four hour date is the ideal container for getting to know another person for the first time. We have the luxury of time to start to dig into each other’s brains, but it leaves enough mystery for next time – perhaps a longer date, where we finally hear that one story about changed our lives, or touch on our regrets, wanting to show how our flaws make us all the more lovable. 

So, to the four hour date: I raise a toast. May we see each other in all our complexities. May we luxuriate in each other’s laughs, in the merging of bodies and hearts, and bask in the opportunities of time. Cheers!